There is something to be said about discontentment. Is that even a word? Perhaps not, but the idea is that being dissatisfied is a horrible disease to have, especially when it seems you have everything going for you. Take me por ejemplo. I have a "cool" job, starting graduate school, and recently engaged to a make whom I adore. WHY THEN, am I so ......how do you say.....*sigh*?
The idea that you should just "be grateful" is one to be pondered. Should you really just sit back and settle for what you have not aspire to be better than you are? That may be too deep. Should you really just sit back in your depression and not try to solve that which irritates you? I say no!
In regards to my job. Things are changing. Some would say, [and by some I mean my fiance'] that I am just never happy. On the contrary, I am a genuinely happy person. I have a cheerful disposition. Yet, it appears that I am never satisfied. Why should I be? I am on my fourth internship/job/apprenticeship / busy work crap job and honesty, I DO want benefits. What's wrong with that? But I'll say, time and time again, I'm not gonna be here forever. They better get all the free work out of me, because when I hit the ground, I'm running non-stop and coming with a hefty price tag. "KNOW YOUR VALUE" I believe I do. So what's wrong with not wanting to repeat the "Devil Wears Prada " scenes time and time again, when you know you deserve more. ( And even Ann Hathaway's character got paid and received some groovy garments and a trip to Pari' for her woes) In all honesty, I'd wait till we got to Paris to " figure out" that I didn't want to be in that industry too! Spot on!
I just think that being ungrateful and being, well, hungry are two different things.
Now to get to grad school. Nothing is wrong with it, I love it. It's harder than I thought. But I'm moving along.
The "FIANCE'".........
He's good. I don't want to defame the boy, but.....if you've ever been in love or had a HARD job, or are married, then you know really what I'm talking about. It's just tough. No one said it would be easy. I guess that's what they meant when they said, " no one said it would be easy". Now, some do say, " It's a lot of fun." Granted, we do have our fun moments. I can appreciate a good laugh or tickle with the man. It's just really, really, new. Like brand new shoes. Sometimes, they are uncomfortable, awkward, and even painful. But once you get them on for a while and wear them enough, you get all sorts of nice compliments. You find out that they go with everything you own, and you never want to part from them. There are so many other similarities, it's almost uncanny. I won't spout them out now. I do believe you get the point.
He's alright with me.
The bottom line is.....I am happy. I should be 'THRILLED" but in life, the only thrills are in roller-coaster rides, and when people hide behind corners just to jump out and go "BOO!".....Then you laugh hysterically and go, " OMG, you scared me!". That was the point. It was "thrilling."
I am probably not as giddy as a newly engaged girl should be, but I'm giving it time to set it. We bought cookware last night, and that scared me. I can't believe how much that scared me. It's like real life. All of this is real. The fall is real, and it's coming on slowly, and it's also very beautiful.
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